Plenty of Dins...

So this is why Internet dating hasn't worked for us.... 

Hayley and Amy

xxx

Hayley's February date

My longest standing non-celebrity crush has got to be the postman at work.

He is the ultimate silver fox. DILF. So I couldn't believe my luck when he asked me out.

He did the old gentlemanly thing of picking me up - no not in his red van.

He had flowers, took me to a really classy restaurant where we had good food, good wine and good banter. He would not let me pay a penny. He dropped me home and did not try and get in my pants.

And then I woke up.

Shock there was no February date. Better luck for March ay - only 14 days left. Shit, better start inboxing.

xxx

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Amy's February Date

Well they do say absence makes the heart grow fonder... sorry we've been slack. Basically, shortly after the below date, I was briefly seeing someone. He then told me he was going to work a season in Ibiza this summer. That old chestnut ;) 

Aaaaanyway, Mr February arranged to meet me for a hot chocolate in a little village pub. This makes me more nervous than a boozy night out, not sure why. Probably because I can't blame any 'Amy-isms' on being pissed. 

I got there a bit early so waited for him in the car like a cool person, and he rocked up in a dad-car.

Mr February is very tall, and very good looking. He looks a lot like Steve Jones,  this is good, very good. He's a lot better looking than his brother, who I have also dated but anyway, moving on :/

 Despite me thinking that I'd played it cool, he tells me that he'd seen me waiting in my car. Fuck. 

We had about 3 hours of chit chat over two hot chocolates (steady on), and then I decide to call it a night at the late hour of 9 o clock. 

Mr February is really good looking, kind, sweet and funny. But I don't fancy him. Brilliant. 

After a facebook stalking sesh, and bumping into him on a night out, I discover why I don't fancy him. His mouth is a funny shape when he talks. And he wears bootleg jeans. 

Conversation with my two best friends tonight: 

"Come on Amy, you always moan about not finding a nice guy"

"Yeah, one day you might look at him and realise that his cat bum mouth is one of the things you love about him"

Sorry girls. 

Essex Boys Boys Boys

There are some right salty potatoes in Essex. And we have discovered that an Essex accent can transform your average male into a right charming and cheeky chappy. Not ENTIRELY why we go there though, promise...

For our annual perve (disguised well with drinking/ dancing/ shopping) we travelled up to Brentwood on Thursday for a couple of nights.

Got made up Thursday night and started at the Slug.  Then made our way to Sugar Hut.  

Erm... that's almost her name.

Met a few lads, not sure we can call them our February dates...

"The blonde one"- Hayley

This guy I clocked straight away in Slug, he literally couldn't be more Essex if he tried. Mario Falcone barnet, albeit blonde, hence his nickname. I don't usually go for blondes. Nice face, smartly dressed, acted as if he had a girlfriend (girls, you know what I mean) so I left him well alone. Then I'm on the dance floor downstairs at Sugar Hut and I can't believe my luck when he appears right next to me with his mate who I could have sworn was Craig Phillips from Big Brother (he reckoned he wasn't).  Both giving it the elbow dance. He tells me he's signed off work with a bad back - if only his boss could have seen him...buys me a drink, on to the next.

"Peter the prick"- Hayley

His nickname says it all. He told me I had big thighs, I told him to fu*k off. 

"The Gymnast"- Hayley

Now this one kept me occupied for the rest of the night - not like that.  Again it was his dancing that caught my eye.  He literally had me at hello.  Opened our conversation by showing me a scar on his hand and telling me he almost died when he was a baby.  We chatted for a bit, the usual.  He tells me his various jobs - lifeguard, PT, Gymnast, GYMNAST?! I think I actually asked if he was in the olympics, cringe. I drop my straw so he offers me his.  At the time I remember thinking that was so romantic (easily pleased)!  He insists on buying me a drink too, so I oblige ;) A lot of fun but maybe not the sharpest tool in the box- when he tries to find himself on facebook for me he fails... 

"The Pests"- Both of Us

It's always awkward when the guys that ask to sit with you are possibly the least fortunate looking in the whole bar. Yeah... that happened. We have a tendency to be a little cold with these kind of men usually, but as nice girls, try to be as polite as possible. Unfortunately this ended in "we're just going to the toilet", before we did a runner. Little did we know that we would bump into these men again. And again. And again. With only one club in Brentwood, we really should have thought this through. 

"The Slapper"- Amy 

This one does NOT have a happy ending. Whilst Hayley is busy having a dance with The Blonde One, I'm being entertained by Ryan. Ryan thinks he's Drake. Let me tell you- he is not. After some very bad dance moves and even worse small talk, he moves in for the grind. No, no, NO. I manage to escape, and I pretend to be completely oblivious to him staring at me from across the room. 
Later on, I see him pestering Hayley, who is clearly having the same issues. I touch Ryan's shoulder and give him a little patronising shake of the head...as in "no mate, just no". He then shouts "DON'T TOUCH ME!!" and slaps me round the face. Seriously. 
He gets chucked out. 


"The Pro Golfer"- Amy 

I'd had my eyes on Lewis from the moment he walked in (Taylor Swift?) and he looked my type straight away- tall, dark, sort of handsome. I was drunk. 
I saw my opportunity to talk to him when The Slapper was hassling me. I did the whole damsel in distress act, which worked a treat. "Excuse me, can you pretend to be with me? That guy that thinks he's Drake won't leave me alone" *flutter eyelashes*. It was going a little too well- we had a laugh and he told me he was a professional golfer. He then has to leave... takes me to a quieter room to 'say goodbye' (OI OI AMES!), and then walks off to leave. "You've got a girlfriend haven't you!"... he shrugs at me. Bellend. 

"Kirk"

What a lad. Proper Salty. 

You can follow us on twitter: 

@amy_c_c

@MissHayleyB25 

We'll let you know when we do new posts :)

Thanks for reading!

Hayley and Amy 

xxx

January: Hayley's date

Might as well leave this blank as there was no date. Massive fail!

I did have one lined up, randomly with a guy I used to be really good friends with about 10 years ago. He asked if I wanted to meet up on Sunday night and go for a Nandos which is always a hit with me (single chicken pitta, medium with cheese and spicy rice). I was treating it more of a catch up but for blog purposes, a date.

He started whatsapping me at half 1 on Sunday morning which I thought was a blatant reminder, you know, remember you're seeing me tomorrow.

Then the next morning, he cancelled, boom. Said his Mum was cooking him and his family dinner...

So of course I hooked up with Amy instead who put a bit of peer pressure on.

I figured what's the point there were only 4 days left until the end of the month plus I already had plans which I was not prepared to cancel for a boy! 

So I'll save myself for Feb. After all I'm gonna be inundated with offers on facebook with this horrendous profile picture Amy's about to make me put up...

I saw this card in Sainsbury's which I thought I'd share seeing as I don't have a date pic!

Love Hayley xox

January: Amy's date

Thankfully, before me and Hayley had come up with the 12 date challenge, I'd already been on my first- so that's January's out the way....phew! 

Before I'd met this date, I knew he had 'been with' (ahem), one of my good friends. This was just the once, and was after a drunken night out, so I didn't worry about it too much. I did obviously consult the lovely friend in question beforehand, who gave a response of 'yeah mate go for it!'. Love her. 

When it comes to date outfits, something strange seems to happen to me, and I choose something completely random that I'd never think of wearing on a night out, usually something that I've stolen from my housemates wardrobe. At first I stuck to my guns and chose a simple T shirt, with leather look leggings and a blazer. Immediately after calling the taxi I have a panic and throw off the T Shirt, and put on a sequin vest instead. Which belongs to my housemate. AGAIN! 

I send the standard outfit photo to Hayley and she approves. 

It wasn't til I got out the house that I realised how low cut the top was. Interesting. Anyway, we met (for the first time, eek), in quite a civilised bar. First impressions were quite good- he was pretty hot- good face, good hair, good build. Tick, tick, tick. 

The conversation didn't exactly flow, but I put that down to nerves on his part- when I'm nervous I chat and chat, which is quite convenient on a date! 

He then suggested a pub down the road that he said was a bit more lively, so he led the way. We walk into a room full of dancing middle aged folk, singing to Rihanna and Lady Gaga. Definitely more lively. But this was a gay bar. Genius when you think about it. 

To this day, I'm not sure he knows it's a gay bar. He said he hangs out there a lot and one of his observations were 'there are a lot of gay people in there'. Uh oh. The all-singing, all-dancing DJ on stage is a bit of a giveaway, darling. 

A few drinks later, my date is drunk. He then insists that he wants food, so a first for me, we go for an Indian. On our first date. Drunk. I then sit and watch him eat a curry. Strange, no?! 

Then me and my even drunker date venture back into the gay bar. By this point, I get the feeling he's TOO drunk and wants to go home. It's a Saturday night, it's 11.30 and I didn't get dressed up for no reason- I'm getting us another drink. 

All is fine until my date takes a gulp of his drink from the glass, a girl pushes past him, and he chips his tooth on the side of the glass. SERIOUSLY?!!!

My date is NOT happy. After I tell him a million times that you can't see it, he says 'I'm annoyed, I'm going to have to go home'. Ok. 

So with a slightly grumpy hug, he gets in a taxi and goes home... as I say goodbye to him I hear him say to the taxi driver 'To A&E please'. Let's hope he's joking. 

12 months, 12 dates...

So tonight, over a Nandos, we made a pact to each other:

We MUST have at least one date, EVERY month for a whole year. 

So that's 12 months, 12 dates. No excuses! 

Hayley only had one date last year and Amy's dates always end up being a little bit mental- so this will be a challenge for both of us... 

Here are the rules: 

Each date must be a different man (sloares) 

We need to try and take a photo of us with our dates- to put up on here but to also prove the date happened!! 

Failure to find a date will result in an ugly facebook profile picture for ONE MONTH, chosen by each other. The worst punishment for a single girl... cue evil laugh... 

Each date story will be shared with you, you lucky lot! 

This will be a fun year :) 

Love Amy and Hayley 

xxx