Wednesday, 5 June 2013

Amy's May Date

Don' t get your hopes up for Mr May. He was not good.

I met him on a night out (instant fail). We were both very drunk and all I seem to recall is him swinging me around in some sort of elaborate dance routine, and making me laugh quite a lot. He wasn't my usual type at all... but my logic here being that my usual type is usually 'bellend'. 
He told me he thought I was good fun, and he seemed really fun too. In hindsight, this is probably because we were both drunk and well, what isn't fun when you're drunk. I scope him out on Facebook and convince myself that he doesn't look 'too bad'. His profile pictures were ok... his tagged photos an absolute shambles. 

After a few days he asks me out for a drink. I should add that before settling for a drink, he suggested he 'came round for dinner'. He strikes me as a dating retard, but I persist. His banter is reasonable and I'm somehow intrigued, even if does keep making inappropriate first date suggestions. (One of his texts says 'I'd prefer to do something a bit more active'. Get a grip). 

I can tell that I'm not too bothered about this guy as I get ready... I put on the staple leather leggings, a t shirt and trainers. TRAINERS. I don't give a fuck do I. I pull up at his house and he comes outside to meet me. 

Mr May clearly also does not give a fuck, as he walks up to the car in a hoodie WITH HIS HOOD UP. Is this a joke? After the initial fear that I was about to get abused by a youth, he takes me to a country pub. I offer to buy him a drink, and he says yes. I didn't expect that. I'm buying my hoodie wearing date a drink. This is awful. 

He spends the first 15 minutes telling me about his carb- only diet. He shows me an app on his phone which records these carbs. Fascinating, tell me more. I convince myself he's just nervous, the fun guy from the bar will emerge soon. WRONG. There are one or two awkward silences, something I've never experienced on a date before. I have no idea what to say to this douche. After an hour, we decide to leave. Thank God. I preferred the drunk version of this guy. Needless to say I won't be seeing Mr May again. Back to the 'bellend' then. 

Amy x

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